I had to know. Is Twitter the next big thing? Or the answer to a question that no one asked. Knowing there's only one way to find out, I sought to brave the unknown phenomenon, create an account on the service, and describe the results.
|Creating a Twitter account!
Noticing Twitter won't let me edit my past updates without an add-on program.
Deciding to write an article called "Five Things I Hate About Twitter."
Realizing Twitter will let me delete past updates if I click on its trash can icon.
Thinking they should have tool tips explaining what their stupid icons do.
Noticing that Twitter doesn't recognize linebreaks in updates.
Adding it to the list.
|Thinking "That's it?"
Thinking this reminds me of IRC in the 90s.
/away getting more beer
/away so what are you wearing?
Deciding to give Twitter a second chance.
|Reading the public Twitter timeline.
Noticing "mrjonnypantz" has typed 11 hours!!!!!!!
Deciding these updates are boring at best, illiterate at worst.
|Wondering if Twitter will really send these messages directly to my pager.
Wondering how incredibly annoying that would be.
Thinking Twitter is one step above MySpace status icons.
What I'm Doing: Playing Music.
Current Mood: Depressed.
Changing my "Friends" icon.
|Reading the Twitter FAQ.
Not finding anything cool.
Deciding I must have missed something.
Noticing Stephen Colbert has a Twitter feed.
"Anthrax (my goldfish) isn't feeling well. He's resting at the surface of his tank"
Noticing John Edwards has a feed too.
About to make remarks at the Int'l Assoc. of Firefighters. Then remarks at the Boilermakers conference.
Deciding a campaign feed would be excruciatingly boring.
Noticing Robert Scoble is heckling John Edwards.
"how are you going to get your campaign carbon neutral when you have to fly jets around the country so much?"
Noticing the Edwards campaign was goaded into replying.
"will fund alternative energy production that will offset the carbon generated from campaign travel."
Wondering if John Edwards is cheating.
|Reading blog coverage of
"To me it's just something that has got some SHORT-term popularity and will eventually fade back into a neat tool people don't really use anymore."
"if I were a Scoble fanboy, I would love that he posts every event in his busy life to his Twitter channel"
|Envisioning the rise of Twitter consultants creating fake updates for Hollywood clientele.
Imagining Paris Hilton junkies loving Twitter. Because of the illusion that they're stalking her.
|Wondering if Twitter is like that scene in Scary Movie where the heavy-breathing stalker taunts
his victims with updates. "I'm in your house, watching you undressing."
Thinking Twitter probably isn't like that.
Wondering if you can hack someone else's Twitter feed?
"I'm in your kitchen, lying about your updates."
Thinking Twitter users have already heard that joke.
Reading that Robert Scoble thinks Twitter is the new black.
Realizing what he actually said -- that hating Twitter is the new black.
Thinking Twitter should let users publish these entries on MySpace and LiveJournal.
Realizing they're doing that already.
Wondering if it's a generational thing.
|Predicting Arianna Huffington's ego will compel her to join Twitter.
Predicting Norman Mailer will be too technophobic.
|Wondering if there will be promotional feeds for TV characters.
Dwight Schrute is scanning the Office ventilation system for vampire bats.
Thinking that would be lame.
|Speculating about the future.
Will all TV shows be forced to adopt real-time microblogging to reach the emerging Twitter demographic?
|Noticing Robert Scoble has 1380 followers. And 1041 friends.
Realizing I don't know the difference between a "friend" and a "follower."
|Noticing one of Scoble's friends is Irina Slutsky.
Noticing she responded to BloatedLesbian.
Reading the Bloated Lesbian feed.
waiting for the shower to stop smelling like George Bush so I can shower then goto my conference
CC is having a vagina for lunch?????
lying to someone with a big dick
Noticing that for "Bio:" she just wrote "fat."
Being intrigued that she linked to The Karen Carpenter Story, told entirely with Barbie dolls.
Watching The Karen Carpenter Story.
Realizing it's 44 minutes long.
Being glad I'm unemployed.
Reading the Twitter blog. Noticing they have a Twitter shirt. It says "Wearing my Twitter Shirt."
Laughing at the comments. ("so I finally understand the business model....")
|Reading Scoble's blog.
"I'm fascinated that so many people hate the service... They contribute more to the hype than anything else."
Reading web coverage about Twitter web coverage.
"Is Twitter the RSS for people with not much to say?"
Realizing I've wasted an hour playing with Twitter...
...when I'd meant to write about how uncompelling it is.
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