May 20th, 2007
VH-1 proudly displayed the clip on their blog, gloating that in comparison, "All the throwdowns from the current drama-filled season of Celebrity Fit Club seem like kids' stuff..." It's Dustin Diamond vs. Sgt. Harvey Walden— the detached smart-ass comic confronted by a former Marine drill instructor.
Dustin's been riding a wave of publicity ever since that infamous sex tape was released to the world. (Click here for our interview with Dustin about it.) Did Dustin enjoy the notoriety too much? Or did VH-1 set him up? And is it a verbal beatdown — or a former child star righteously standing his ground?
After 11 years of playing Screech on Saved by the Bell and its sequels, Dustin became a standup comic, ultimately joining the cast of VH-1's celebrity weight-loss competition. In this profanity-laced clip from Sunday's episode, Dustin weighs himself for Sgt. Harvey and the show's nutritionist, Dr. Ian Smith. Dustin had already challenged comedian Ant, the shows host, to "physical combat" for making what he thought was a bad call. When Harvey aggressively dismisses him, Dustin offhandedly refers to the UFC, which is the Ultimate Fighting Championship — a cable TV fighting show.
And then all hell broke loose.
A transcript of the video appears below
HARVEY: Three pounds. Get the fuck out of here.
DIAMOND: I gotta move? Everyone else has been up. I don't have to go anywhere...
HARVEY: Man, get this — somebody get his ass out of here! (Off-camera voice: "You're done, Dustin") You are fucking full of shit. I oughta, before you will tell me, I will beat your fuck — you must be out of your fucking part-time cartoon mind!
DIAMOND: (Turning to go) If you agree, we can set up the UFC...
HARVEY: Don't you ever god damn motherfucking threaten me! God damn! Don't you ever fucking threaten me!
DIAMOND: I did not threaten you.
HARVEY: You just god damn stood and said you fucking challenge me! I will wear your fucking ass out! Don't you ever fucking threaten me! I'm hear to fucking help your fat ass!
DIAMOND: You put yourself in a protected spot...
HARVEY: No, you god-damn — first after you said you'd kick his ass, you said you'd kick mine! Why the fuck don't you ever think?
DIAMOND: Did I say I'd kick your ass?
HARVEY: Yes you did!
IAN SMITH: You did.
HARVEY: You stood right there, and goddamn fucking said it!
DIAMOND: Can you roll the tape back? Is that what I said? Is that what I said?
HARVEY: You don't want fuck over with me, boy, 'cause I'll wear your fucking ass out.
DIAMOND: That's a threat.
HARVEY: I will fuck your world
IAN SMITH: Go, Dustin. Go, Dustin...
DIAMOND: That's the threat.
HARVEY: I think that... and you're god damn right, It's a fucking promise. It's not a god damn threat. It's a fucking promise! Don't you ever, in your fucking life — in your fucking cartoon life...
DIAMOND: (To stagehand) ....attack me on camera...
HARVEY: ...ever fucking threaten me, bitch. 'Cause I will wear your fucking ass out. Now you take that shit to your porn convention.
IAN SMITH: Get off the scales.
DIAMOND: I'm off the scales.
HARVEY: And if you ever fucking go to A, you better standby. Guarantee that shit, too. Now put that bitch on the VSPOT. Get the fuck out of here.
This clip appears on VH-1's "VSPOT" page. It closes with Sgt. Harvey offering one final thought.
"He got away this time, but he's lucky my home girl held me back.
"Because I was ready to dissect him."
Virtual Screech, Sexual Superstar
Screech's Sex Tape Follies