5 Best Videos: Animals Attacking Reporters

It’s cruel to even want to watch these videos. You do know that, right? Not just because people are attacked by animals. The added cruelty is you'll be enjoying an animal attack on a human who only wanted to enlighten you.

At least that’s what they’d have us believe. Reporters doing animal reports stand there delivering information like some objective beacons of knowledge, when we all know the level of vanity required to presume you belong on camera — especially with animals. We all know this because, on some level, we all desire it.

Leave it to non-humans to rip aside this facade — and leave nothing but gashes and bruises for the world to see.

1. Jeff Corwin and the Elephant

Coming to you from an "elephant rescue center" in Cambodia, Animal Planet's Jeff Corwin (rhymes with "Steve Erwin" in Australia) stands between CNN's Anderson Cooper and a bathing pachyderm.

This clip aired as part of CNN's own segment, "most popular video @ CNN.com". It's presented by a cute blonde who, safe back at the studios, "reports" on the horrific details everyone is ROTFLing about in front of their PCs. Hear the other anchor chuckle and say "gosh..." as Corwin, voted one of People Magazine's "most beautiful people" in 2002, screams in pain with the elephant's trunk constricting around his arm and thrashing him underwater. "We understand he was hurt," says the blonde. "Watch it one more time..."

Then one of the elephant handlers zaps the animal with a cattle prod as iron man Anderson Cooper, with seemingly no regard for his own well-being, calmly helps Corwin out of the water. There were claims on the internet that the elephant was euthanized afterwards, but that claim is disputed by Corwin. Corwin also claims to be related to Dracula.

2. "This Little Guy's Havin' Fun"

In yet another case of TV news cannibalism, a local Fox channel in Cleveland delivers a report on a reporter's report (because of popular demand, of course) — in which she gets attacked by a cat. This time it's the cute blonde reporter, Kathleen Cochrane, who gets the business end of a pair of sharp claws.

"No, no, no," insists Cochrane in a post-interview, "I was not crying. I was instantly laughing." Decide for yourself if, after the cat releases her face from its claws, she doesn't give a bit of a whimper.

Because angry animals + television cameras = irony, this had to be a sympathy piece as well. The storyline: Becky the cat, who we later see playfully and oh-so-sweetly leaping around an empty studio desk, is up for adoption. Poor Becky the cat had been shot by a BB gun, broke her front leg, and had her tail torn off. Reporter Cochrane was only trying to help.

As the male anchor in the studio puts it: "Becky is a very 'special' cat, who just needs a good home."

3. The Calmest Member of the Farm

The reporter in this short and sweet piece is foreign, and the clip is narrated by an English speaker. She introduces the bear, Manya, "the calmest member of the farm," to emphasize just how ruthless bears can be. Right before the dreadful moment, the reporter is laughing, and we see just how badly humans are at reading animals. She is giggling, interpreting the bear's nose nudges and tongue-flaps as playful, or even affectionate.

I think you know what happens next.

4. Pinky the Loving Cat

This is a classic, and always worth another look. Kathleen Cochrane should have watched it before doing her piece, because it's also an attempt to find a home for an orphaned cat.

"Son of a bitch," says Pinky's male human benefactor, after the attack. "Excuse my language."

After what you just went through? You are excused! Seriously. There isn't a cartoon by Chuck Jones that portrays an animal more outlandishly animated than what we see in this video. If cats can be possessed by demons, then I'd swear at least half a dozen came into Pinky's body at once — half a dozen demons starving for human testicles.

"He's a very loving cat," says the man right before the banshees arrive and Pinky starts pinwheeling on the end of his leash.

"We got a wildcat on our hands," the man jokes unsuspectingly. "Someone get a catch pole cuz I'm not picking him up." Pinky tangles himself in the leash around the man's upper leg, then strikes with his teeth and claws, bearing down on fleshy human groin meat.

The next time you hear someone utter sarcastically, "Yeah, and Pinky's a very loving cat," you'll know they're calling bullshit on something.

5. Leaping Lizard

This one is pretty light-hearted. In fact, except for the utter panic of the reporter, it doesn't qualify as an "attack." The lizard probably thought the dude was a tree or something.

Right from the start, double-entendre sets the mood. "Let's see how long it is, let's hold it out," says the anchorman regarding a snake that his animal handling guest is showcasing. But one of the lizards waiting off to the side gets, well, jumpy.

It might as well have been a ravenous land barracuda that hurled itself onto the reporter's jacket, because that's the only thing warranting the girlie reaction that results. Almost as amusing is watching him then try to deal with his own embarrassment.

Bonus: When People Attack

This is the fiercest confrontation of all, and it shows that animals aren't the only ones who will attack reporters. It's so bad, Matt Lauer asks the reporter later why the cameraman didn't stop taping to help. (It's not like he was in the Sudan or something — this was San Diego!)

Investigative reporter John Mattes is ambushed by "suspects" in his real estate scam piece. The buildup is raw and intense, starting with water thrown on the camera and ending with Middle Easterners being arrested at gunpoint. In between there are strikes to the face, punches to the face, tackling, kicking — and blood.

As the anchor puts it: "Mattes told CNN he suffered cracked ribs and human bite marks, along with the obvious damage to his face..."

We humans are so evolved...

See also:
Iraq YouTube Battle Footage
10 Video Moments from 2006
2007 Re-Mixed
The Simpsons on Drugs: 6 Trippiest Scenes

26 thoughts to “5 Best Videos: Animals Attacking Reporters”

  1. Regarding the loving cat “Pinky”, my friends and I created a term that I’m sure you’ll find good use for:

    “Going Pinky”, or “Gone Pinky”… which is not much different from going postal, or being a loose cannon on deck :-)

  2. The reporter in number 5 looks like he is getting electrocuted. Hilarious! But I shouldn’t laugh too much b/c if that happened to me I would probably poop my pants.

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  4. The last clip just goes to show, Middle Easterners only understand one thing…violence. It’s too bad our government (and especially those in the diplomatic wing) can’t be forced to watch this. It might give them SOME idea of what we face from the Muslims.

  5. What did the guy that got attacked expect the cat to do? Cats HATE being on a lead, i tried it once on my kitty and she went apeshit.

    He’s supposed to be animal expert, why not just grab it by the scruff of the neck, its how adult cats pick up kittens, pretty much immobilises a cat.

  6. Fantastico!!! It is not cruel in the least to want to watch a Darwin boomerang contest in live action color!! A couple of stooges ‘Effed with the bull and got the horns’ – big deal. When my little nephew wanted to continue playing around a pot of boiling water, I warned him once, then let him burn his finger when he continued to be a dumb little omnivore snot. Now he knows… Now if only adults responded as well to “leash correction” and the baldfaced logic of cause and effect…

  7. Yeah, same problems here. No shows – just blanks where the video screens should be…

  8. Jack; why don’t you get your racist, stereotyping imbecilic butt out of our country – it’s far too good for you. Aside from the obvious point that you have no idea whether the couple in the last video were muslim or not (hardly dressed like muslims were they?), you seem to imply that your safety would be assured if the government launched an offensive against unscrupulous real estate developers.

    Oh yes, and a Christian guy just stole my sandwich, so obviously we must all be thieves, right?

  9. J Bligh:

    I think (hope?) he was being sarcastic here, people can’t be that deluded, not even after 8 year of dumbing campaigns.

  10. I utterly liked reading about 5 Best Videos: Animals Attacking Reporters –
    10 Zen Monkeys and think it was well worth the read. The only other site I found on Yahoo wasnt as good as this one, thanks.

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