iPhone Debate: I’m a Mac vs. Bill Gates

Hello. I'm a Mac...
And I'm Bill Gates, here to rain a little gloominess on your euphoria over the iPhone.
Oh, come on, the iPhone is revolutionary! It's an iPod, a phone, and a "breakthrough internet device."
And what makes it a breakthrough device, exactly? As far as I can tell, that just means the iPhone can sync with your email and bookmarks — just like any other PDA since 1999. Oh, and it has built-in icons for a bookmarked weather page.
You forgot the built-in camera capabilities. Plus, you're missing the point. A lot of ordinary applications — like maps, search engines, and yes, weather — are exponentially more useful when they're elegantly available on a handheld mobile device.
It's all hype over nothing. Apple's web page describes the iPhone's supposedly high tech features, and it turns out they just mean it has OS X and a touchscreen.
And an accelerometer! And quad-band GSM...

What if I want to rotate my pictures 90 degrees. Will the iPhone keep "correcting" its display, forcing me into a contest to see which of us can rotate the image faster?
And you're also overlooking the built-in proximity sensors and ambient light sensors to save power.
That's another thing. I can't believe Apple is bragging that they got a whopping five hours of web browsing/phone usage/video time. But don't worry, if you only listen to music at work, you can go a whole two days without recharging.
Yes, without a recharge there's 16 hours of audio playback. And the Zune does, what — 14 hours?
Just because the Zune is crap doesn't make the iPhone a paradigm shift...
The reaction from the press has been phenomenally positive. Eat the Press says it will be remembered by history as one of three products that revived Apple and "hastened the end of Microsoft" — the iMac, the iPod, and the iPhone.
And Apple's market share now is, what, 5.7%?
For PC's, yeah — something like that. But don't you see what's happening? PC's are 1990, man! Handheld devices are approaching the processing power of PCs — and everyone has at least one. Either a cellphone or an mp3 player, if not a PDA. It's like Microsoft just cornered the market on Univacs.
So if I say Microsoft has an overwhelming installed base, you'll just wish that into the cornfield and say the future belongs to Apple?
It's not wishing. Apple's market share for digital music is 75%. The iPod's market share is 62%. And as we pointed out Tuesday, Apple sells almost as much recorded music as Target — and more than Amazon.
Help me out here. That's significant why, exactly? Is this the point where you yell "Steve Jobs has a magic third eye that sees into the future?"
A hand-held future is already here. The U.S. is already behind the rest of the world in terms of wireless and cellphone adoption - and the cool services that go along with them. 40% of Japanese adults already browse the web with their cellphone.
In Japan it's nearly impossible to get an internet connection in your home! Plus, people there spend something like four hours a day commuting. I'm sick to death of people touting regional anomalies as some harbinger of the future. They should make an ad where there's three actors representing devices — a Mac, a PC, and a teenaged Japanese girl representing the ability to send text messages on a Hello Kitty cellphone.
Well, Solutions Research Group determined that 40 million Americans consider the iPhone "a great idea" for themselves personally. They also predicted a 50% increase in the number of Americans owning an Apple product just 18 months after the product is released.
That's another thing. "When it's released" isn't until sometime around this summer. (Which means your adoption study is talking about the year 2009!) I thought Microsoft was supposed to be the ones announcing Vaporware.
Are you really accusing Apple of pre-announcing a new product just to dampen interest in a competitor?
Apple unveiled a plastic box with some make-believe pixel images of buttons. MacWorld's rabid gadget-o-philes were kept at bay by a plastic cylinder. It was like Maxwell Smart invented a "cone of non-disclosure."
It's real. Technology reporters saw it.
You just want to believe. It's still just a pretend phone until June. The last iPhone I saw was made out of cardboard because some guy printed out a picture that he found on the web.
Doesn't that prove consumers are hungry for this device?
It proves Mac users have too much time on their hands. Here's a prediction. 12 months from now, Apple releases a new iPhone that's tangerine colored — and Mac-heads will buy 20 million of them.
Who's living in the future now?
Or a "Blue Dalmation" pattern....
Now that would be pretty sweet.
iPhone may not even be its name! About 18 hours in, Cisco filed a lawsuit claiming they owned the trademark. I can see the ad campaign now. "Say hello to the — no wait, don't." Maybe they'll call it the Tangerine-o-Phone.
Why are you so bitter?
Because I bought a Newton in 1997.
Ha ha. And yet, despite the fact that it was discontinued, there's still tremendously loyal user groups. Doesn't that prove that Apple forms strong and lasting relationships with its customers?
No, it just proves Mac users are crazy.

See also:
Expect Trouble Activating Your iPhone
The Wonderful Wizardry of Woz
How to Use Your Blackberry Pearl as a Bluetooth Modem on a Mac

59 thoughts to “iPhone Debate: I’m a Mac vs. Bill Gates”

  1. Dude ok this was the stupidest thing ever, there really were no vaild points, the iPhone ok yes is like a pda, but a Friggin sweeter PDA then any pda on the market. Hell I own the PalmPiolt TX and I still want this phone.

  2. Pingback: Anonymous
  3. I that was real life Glates’ last words would be; “Oh by the way I’m retiring next year”. To which Mac would reply, that’s half the job done, cause Ballmer will fuck up your company royally!

  4. “In Japan it’s nearly impossible to get an internet connection in your home!”

    It is? I have 2 internet connections in my home, and they were easy as pie to get. On top of that, they’re fast and cheap.

  5. Idiotic! Microsoft is dying. Their dominance in so many areas is falling apart. Market share will erode and be gobbled up by Google, Apple, Linux, Firefox, etc. Workoutthekinks says that if it has as many kinks as the iPod- forget it! HA! how many iPods have sold? Duh! The author and his fans should give investment advice :) Obviously you do not have a real handle on what the phone does, Apple’s successes, or where technology is going. I don’t care if you like Apple or not your an idiot!

  6. this makes me want to vomit. the guy who wrote this is so fucking negative, he should seriously get a bullet in the head. wow.. what a miserable sack of shit.

    typical, comparing a mediocre solution to problem A to an elegant solution to problem A and saying .. “That’s not new, we solved that ages ago.”

    Nobody… nobody should be so misfortunate as to have read this.. God I feel sick.

  7. WorkOutTheKinks: “If the iPhone has as many glitches as the iPod has had, forget it.”

    Right, it will fail miserably like the iPod. Wait.

    p.s. What color is the sky in your world?

  8. Lou, these bitter naysayers are almost certainly emotionally invested Apple products, don’t listen to them. This is the most bipartisan commentary on Apple vs MS that I’ve read – it’s clever, observant and funny.

  9. This was fantastic! Being a long time windows user who was recently a new owner of a MacBook Pro, I love both sides of this parody.

    The one major problem though about the new iPhone………they picked AT&T as an exclusive seller. I was interested until they announced Cingular would be the only one carrying the iPhone. I ‘ll never trust them.

  10. This was freakin’ hilarious. Its even funnier than the mac and pc fanboys arguing over it in the comments. This is a great reaction to the incredible amount of over-hype of a product that won’t even exist until June at the earliest…and requires $500+ to buy along with a 2-year contract of phone AND data services. Cool announcement…fabulous

  11. As usual, Apple-haters missing the whole point: it’s not the feature set of the iPhone-it’s HOW it does everything.

    Once again, Apple has leaped lightyears ahead of the industry in the area they have always dominated: User Experience …

  12. What i like is Bill Gates talkign about how phone alreayd have sync capabilities for images, music, and contacts. Ah, not exactly. You ahve to buy extra software to do it. While the Mac comes with everything to do it out of the box–free. Plus a keychain to store passwords and many other great applications for free that you pay to get from a third party for Windows. And which sometimes break on Windows updates or nickel-and-dime you on upgrades. No thanks Bill Boy!

  13. Silly now, not even all the iPhone features were mention. Let’s you any other phone give you visual voice, so you can avoid Bill Gates call ever hour.

  14. Mac’s suck, Windows sucks, Bill Gates is a theving SOB (hence the vista look), PC’s still rock if u have linux…. now all we need is for everyone else to realise that, it bit more standards and we have one kick ass free OS with games. =D… yet the perfect world never happenes. I have a feeling we’ll see world peace before people leave Windows for Linux.

  15. Not sure if anyone else pointed this out, but Bill’s thing that “most people in Japan can’t even get internet service” is flat wrong. I live in Japan, in a rural area no less, and have had fiber optic access for just over a year now. Before that it was ADSL. Because the Japanese government invested heavily in wiring the whole country with fiber optic in the mid and late ’90’s, Japanese consumers have a serious leg up on getting terrific internet service.

  16. Did u even see the new voicemail feature? No other phone has that.

    Just because you hate macs doesn’t give you the right to post a BS
    story when you are uninformed about ALL of it’s features.

    I would like to see a comedic parody by someone that knows what the Iphone does.

  17. iPhone is available with Cingular ONLY!?
    And what if I am stuck under contract with a carrier OTHER
    than Cingular but still want a iPhone?
    Well, the only solution
    I could fine was http://www.Cellswapper.com
    they get you out of any cell phone contract!

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